The Heart of Certainty
Like anyone else, first day of back to high school is kind of boring in addition to the craziness of homework. Any class you come in, it is expected to present yourself, create some type of name-tag, or just go over the syllabus. (The only interesting thing is the people around you)
As I entered my AP English class, I instantly felt that it was going to be boring, judging by the looks. First of all, it was 5th period and it was far from the cafeteria which meant I would have to get into the line to get lunch. It seemed really far away. Secondly, this English class was so distant from the crowds as well as it was one of the portable classrooms with an ordinary boring blue ramp. As I entered the class, I was confused. Was this teacher really going to seat us like a college setting? All the seats were scattered facing the front of the class with a blank whiteboard and the only thing written was on the left which were the teacher's social media/ references.
As the teacher started talking and introduced himself, Dr. Preston, I got anxious to get out of the class. It was first day of school and most likely it was going to be introductions or syllabus to kill time because there was not much to do. Despite being the first day of school, Dr. Preston gave us a speech. He read our minds, you can say, as he talked about what other teachers will be doing or have done throughout the day. It literally blew my mind how passionate he seemed and excited for this school year even though he talked with a tone which could be misinterpreted as being monotone at some parts of his speech. The whole class seemed to be engaged and Dr. Preston knew how to keep their attention. At last, he described our options: Textbook and paper or Open Source Learning and Blogs. He used psychology to express and lead us to our option in an indirect way. His diction about each option showed that he was bias to Open Learning Source. Without a doubt, I also wanted to do something new like these "blogs". I did not want another class where I would have to carry my textbook or read from it everyday and write summaries in my dull room as the sun seemed to be gone and be replaced by her sister, the moon.
Dr. Preston walked out of the room and asked us to make a choice as a class. Once we were done we were to call him in. Of course, everyone started talking to their partners or friends in that class. I stood up with a lot of courage and stood in the front of the class. Since I knew we would not really reach into consensus, I let the class know that they had 5 minutes of discussion before having a majority vote. It was obvious that the whole class voted for Open Learning Source. In contrast, few students chose Textbook and paper. The choice was made in a democratic way. When I got home, I just felt so eager about this class that I posted a brief comment about how I felt.
As the week seemed to start after acquiring a notebook, I was excited to write. I imagined myself writing interesting pages that students in the future would like to read or even something I would like to read to my students if we ever get to talk to a similar topic either when I become a teacher or now. Some questions that guided us to write in out journals left me blank. Other questions got me engaged and hungry to hear other's opinions. The curiosity that started with the journals won't die out for sure. Not only did we start writing everyday, but we also started having to post on out blogs. Writing on this blogger website was interesting as we explored the different tools we could use. I was thrilled to customize my own blog. Richard Rory was my first video. I memorized the poem and recited it. I felt like a real blogger without the 10,000+ supporters, and it as great. I posted the Laughing Heart late due to that fact my family and I would go out of town almost every weekend, and I could not get every single homework done in addition to the time I spent studying for Nationals. I usually get car sick during the day so I try to sleep at every trip I take. When I went to San Francisco, I spent my time on Friday afternoon committing to memory the poem so I could blog it. I had to recite it a couple times until I felt great about the way the blog came out. There was many stares from tourists as well, but I felt comfortable with myself getting something done.
Yes, I could be a huge procrastination with some things, but I could also get things done before the deadline or set date when I propose to something. Coming into a new school year I told myself I was prepared for any new challenges. At first, I was on task with all my classes. Soon, Nationals started coming up which would take place in Indianapolis through the last week of October. A week and a half before I left, I got really bad hives and I would feel like I was burning in my own skin. I could not stay, sit, or sleep at a place for too long because my body would ache and be stiff or I would feel a funny sensation. A few days later, I felt the muscles of my face hurting. My wrists, ankles, toes, and face would start to swell. I went to see a doctor who recommended some allergy medication and for the pain. I started moving my schedule to have more hours to study for Nationals, but sometimes I did not know where to start or where to begin. I knew for a fact that coming back and trying to make up all my work would be hard. Heading to Nationals, I felt well after being given medication to take everyday. Normally I would make my pills into smaller pieces even though they were pretty small. On Saturday, Oct. 27, getting to the state of Maryland was a long process with the airplanes and shuttle. I was too sleepy and tired. For a fact, I was scared to take my medication as a whole. I just couldn't. It would be the first time I go on without taking it. What could be worse?
The next day went by and I woke up on the third day with minimum hives, but my face was swollen, especially my lips. I learned to overcome my fear with pills in the first place that day. I wanted to improve my health. However, the 3 of us girls in the team, all got the flu. Studying and Prepping for Nationals was my priority. My whole team and I tried to be focus. If you took out your homework, like me, it meant you were not concentrated and could lead to the possibility of course to place lower/
Coming back to school on November 4, I was a bit of a mess. We, representing California in the Milk Quality and Dairy Products, earned 3rd place in the nation. I placed higher than my team mates and higher than I expected. I placed 14th individually. We had so much fun and were happy doing something we enjoyed in a competition. On the other hand, we were all sick and Ivan started getting sick as well. The time difference knocked us out as well. All we wanted to do that Sunday we came back was sleep as soon we got home around midnight. I wanted to make up all my homework but I couldn't with the medication as it made me drowsy. This year I told myself I would work on procrastinating. I always started well with everything from that day and on. Fredrick Douglas once said, " I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazards of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence." I started making choices that I knew defined me as a person and yet was not enough but I was true to myself.
My grades started slipping in some of my classes. Through this whole process about worrying my grades and trying to raise them, especially in Thanksgiving Break until this day, I started painting and playing my ukulele. I started working with my dad in the afternoons on our lesson plans for Church for our RICA classes that we teach this school year. I caught up with a few blogs and added some to my blogs. I have so many favorite blogs from this month. One of them being Why I argued. During class, there as a bit of confusion of choosing one certain topic to write about and discuss. We mentioned different sides of each argument. However, that same day in the afternoon, I took my sister out for some Jack in the Box and we noticed 2 boys getting into the bathroom. Their eyes were red and they were playing around. I started to wonder why they were out so late. They seemed sketchy as if trying to hide something but it was obvious it was a wax pen. What else could they handing each other and taking turns in a bathroom or going in together when it was just a one toilet room. Once they left all laughing, my sister and I looked at each other. It made me wonder if they had younger siblings. I was kind of disappointed that they still acted like they did in junior high. Hasn't being sophomores change their minds to know how to behave. It drew me back thinking to when I was young and hearing other peers talk about their older siblings in high school being more rebellious than before. I just hope this was not one of those stories. I started telling my sister that it's funny how some people actually change. For example, there was a girl that would be mean to me in junior high but currently she has been really nice and has this other personality. It could be perhaps because she is serious about her relationship with her boyfriend that helped her mature. This blog was something else in the making. I knew at that instant that the conversation I had with my sister was the best one of that day. I took out my phone and started typing few key points to come back later and emphasis the rhetorical device I used to support my argument. I loved how at that moment, I was able to use my phone to start writing. I started implementing this new habit when needed so my fresh thoughts can be used somewhere.
In my journal, I was able to explore my thoughts such as I was able to think outside the box to reflect on what others would say about me and what I could improve on, the differences of offline and online relationship, why I eat what I do, and even about Numerology. Numerology was was of my favorite journal entries. Numerology is the "belief in the divine or mystical relationship between number and one or more coinciding events." After so long, I was introduced back into it. Writing this journal entry got me thinking and replaying those memories I had of my notebook with all my Numerology articles and charts. Even today, I know there is still a part remaining in my life about numerology. I felt at my best with my journal entries. Like Emerson had said that we felt when we put our hearts into it and acknowledge it. My journal entries made me smile. This got me to expand the horizon of my curiosity and on making choices to keep writing and being open minded. Adding to that, I knew I was making another choice which is better than not making one at all because I was trying to catch up from Nationals. Writing in my journal was relieving.
In addition to the process of adapting back to school, I started helping people out with their issues such as giving advice and being there for them. I also tutored for math after school. I started being more observant about this world that we live in. I learned to appreciate myself and do what I love like composing lyrics and writing in general. I learned that grades don't define one as a person or how intelligent they are. I have heard the phrase before, but when I said it to others, I said it without actually knowing how it feels and having it in your back of your mind. I learned to say no. I learned to cut out things or people that I did not want to admit were a bit much for me when it was not about strengthening out our relationship or supporting each other.
In order to turn everything in, I would try to stay up all night to finish. Being sleepy did not at all, but sometimes it was worth staying up and trying my best. Now, I start falling asleep and sometimes forget my alarm but I can wake up around 4 or 5 am. Waking up and getting my rest from 10:00 or 11:00 om was enough for me to start jumping around and be fully awake. I would finish faster but sometimes not finish my all my homework. However, I feel better to go throughout the day and I am more passionate of what I do.
In conclusion, as a learner, I have not changed much in my habits, but I have in the way I perceive and address something. Being introduced into this world where I actually see problems, corruption, and so many lies; I was scared to leave the world I knew when I was young. Being educated and getting your degree did not mean you were one of the best people you could be. It hurt me knowing that everything in this life is just competition and more like survival of the fittest or richest. It is rare to find people that would help you or be there for you to guide you when they lived through those experiences. Whenever those people that did help show up, my family and I knew God had sent an angel to us. This influences my writing by inspiring me to write about the truth or sometimes writing to understand someone else's opinion and justify the way they think without attacking them first. I try to be the best of what I could be. Emerson once said,"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.
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